im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
