were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
