So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
