I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
