i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
