Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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