found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
