Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
