Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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