I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
