We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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