we have officially lost it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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