Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
