this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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