Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just tell him i said nine months
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
