I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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