Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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