Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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