i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
