i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
