WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
