she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
