The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
