My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
