She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
