def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
