That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
