My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
