..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
