she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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