he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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