I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
