my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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