i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
