it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
