dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
