I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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