I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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