he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
