It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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