I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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