I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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