You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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