my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
