they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
