Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
