I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
