I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
