Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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