Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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