you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
