btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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